Last day of Month 1

 

I'm pretty sick.

 

BUT, I completely stayed on plan.

 

Meal 1- Cappuccino

Meal 2- Chicken noodle soup

Meal 3- Wild Rice Soup

Meal 4- Choc PB bar

Meal 5-Mac N Cheese with Tuna and broccoli added

Snack- sugar free cherry jello

 

Lots of Blueberry Tea and Water

 

Last day of JANUARY!!!!!  

 

TOMORROW:  Monthly pictures and Measurements to take.  Cant wait!!!!!!

day 30- Eating and Emotions

Meal 1- Cappuccino
Meal 2- Choc pb bar
Meal 3- Caramel crunch bar
Meal 4- Hot cocoa
Meal 5- Choc chip pancakes 2 tbs sugar free syrup
Meal 6- Two scrambled eggs
Meal 7- Choc chip cookie smidge 2 percent milk

Water and hot Tea galore

I am feeling a 'cold' a brewin'.  The past two nights I have felt sinus=ey.   I am thinking that in the past when I have started to feel sick, or when I am sick I have liked to medicate myself with food.  Who knew? This must be a prior habit because the past two nights I just want to eat..  and I have been upset because nothing seems to satiate.

I know that part of this journey is to figure out why I have turned to food to satisfy my soul instead of the Lord.    I am assuming it's because food can be instantly gratifying... tangibly satisfying.  I can see it, smell it, taste it.  The Lord offers peace, refuge, unconditional love, joy and so much more.  When you compare the lists it seems a no brainer that I would turn to the One who can offer all this, than turn to food for a temporary 'feeling'.  So.. I press on  toward the Prize... my heavenly Prize. 
EVERYTHING and EVERY part of life is to point us to becoming more like Christ.   Things we go through teach us patience... perseverance... how to love... how to forgive... how to serve.  Conquering my food addiction will bring glory to God  as I learn to love myself and others more freely.. as I persevere.. as I forgive myself... as I am more free to serve others because I am not so bound in my chains of addiction.

 

Day 29- Pound jar and Vision Board!

On the TSFL facebook support page I found this idea:

 

I have tons of letter stickers from my scrapbooking crafty days. So I busted out my crafty bin. I  bought the jars and blue stones from the Dollar Tree.  I broke it down into half pounds. Every half pound lost I get to move it to the Pounds Lost jar! 

 

100 pounds in 2013!  Let's do this!

 

I also have started a Vision Board upon my Health Coach's suggestion.

 

I am excited for where this journey is going to lead me!

4 weeks down.... 48 to go!

 



Day 28

Meal 1- choc mint bar
Meal 2- Lemon Merengue bar
Meal 3- part lean and green at a lunch meeting for work- 4 oz grilled chicken, small salad, pickles
Meal 4- choc pb bar
Meal 5- Choc chip cookie, smidge milk
Meal 6- part lean Turkey taco meat, 1 tsp salsa, 1 tsp sour cream, .5 oz cheese

Feelin good!

Week 4 weigh in

Down -4.8  woot woot

Total lost- 21.3    in 4 weeks    craziness!!!!!!


Lean and Green yesterday-    Turkey Tacos salad!   I love Mexican food... Hispanic food in general actually.    I got a recipe for homemade taco seasoning from my Health Coach.   I was so skeptical that it would taste good... but of course it did!   I shredded up some Vermont Cabot Sharp Cheddar 75% less fat cheese,  had about 7 oz of meat, a bit of salsa and a few tsps. of sour cream.  Holler!!  SOO GOOD.   I didn't miss the taco shell at all.

Me gusta la comida Mexicana!  

My hubs keeps saying I am getting smaller.  I can feel his arms around me closer.  Gotta say... that feels good.   We call my back side my 'shelf''.  It's a term of endearment so don't be offended for me. My bootay has a mind of it's own.   So he keeps saying how my shelf is getting smaller too.  Yay!

P.s.- I am so so so thankful for hubs. He is really genuinely supportive and loving through it all.   I feel also like I am able to love him a little better because maybe I love myself a little better.  He is so proud of me and emotionally there for me.  God hooked me up!  I married him because I always felt 'emotionally safe' with him.  He has never made me feel like my emotions were silly.  Well actually once and I freaked out.  LOL  so maybe I scared it out of him.   I have always felt 'physically safe' with him too.  Like even though I am overweight he still thinks I'm beautiful and sexy.  I'm going to go jump in bed and snuggle a bit before shower time. Hee Hee.  LOVE HIM! 

Organizing Medifast

Domestic Diva-  Organizing the Medifast

I have an amazing online support system through Take Shape for Life.  This woman lost over 200 pounds a few years ago... she became a coach and because of her .. over 400 people are now losing weight through TSFL.  craziness...    So, she and the coaches under her and all of their clients have a Facebook private support page..  I got this idea from a lady on there.

 

An over the door shoe organizer thingy!

I cut off the tops of the boxes they came in to show what the food is. This works perfectly for me!



day 26- Domestic Diva

Meal 1- choc shake
Meal 2- Vegetable beef soup-  not too bad
Meal 3- part lean-  1 oz 75% fat free extra sharp cheddar Vermont Cabbot-  so good
Meal 4- Medifast choc chip cookie with 1 tsp pb
Meal 5- part lean- 1 oz cheese
Meal 6- Medifast choc chip cookie with pb again
eek no veggies

water and crystal lite- green tea mango

I love Saturdays with nothing to do....  and yet everything to do....

I haven't written much about my Domestic Diva ventures.
Past self/ pre wife self=  messy.... really messy 
2013 self/Wife self and forward- striving for organization and cleanliness not perfection

After 3.5 years of marriage I finally feel like we have mastered the layout of our apartment. We have figured out what works well for us in terms of furniture placement. Now it's time to get good at the little things in a home that make it run more smoothly.   Like organized kitchen drawers. :)  So that was my Domestic Diva adventure today.   Organizing those drawers!

Step 1- bought drawer liner from Christmas tree shop

 

Step 2- empty out the drawers and clean them! so many crumbs.. eeww

 

Yay! Done!

 I should have taken a before pic to show how messy they were. Ha!

 

 

Another aspect of being a Domestic Diva-  simple, cheap decorations which make things feel more 'homey'.  When I was 'single' all of those years, I felt like I didn't know how to decorate a home.  I knew it was inside of me somewhere deep down.. but I didn't take the time to figure it out I guess. So, the Christmas Tree Shop has become my buddy.  Cute stuff for cheap.  And I must share my latest Christmas Tree Shop Find!!!



 

Battery LED string lights!  Whispy little lights. $2.99

 

 

I bought a colored jar, a box of potpourri ball things and voila!

 

I think it's final resting place is going to be in the bedroom.

 

TODAY was such a good day.  Relaxing with the hubby... organizing... relaxing some more... organizing.. relaxing some more... and then we watched Men In Black 3. Really good movie!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Day 25- ain't 'Feelin' it

Meal 1- mint choc bar
Meal 2- pb bar
Meal 3- Hot cocoa- seriously amazing
Meal 4- pb bar
Meal 5 -pizza bites  growing on me (crunchy snack type)
Meal 6- lean and a bit o green  3 meatballs and sauce

Doing something even when I don't 'feel' like it.
So I had a smidge of 'green' yesterday.  Why?  Cuz I didn't feel like putting together a salad for myself.  God made us to have feelings.  We are made in His image which means God has feelings too. Cool thought.   However, I have spent most of my life being 'ruled' by my feelings.  So I tend to base things on how I 'feel' whether than what is right to do, what is the disciplined healthy thing to do. 

This is my new habit-  doing something that is right, even if I don't feel like it.  Word.

 

I love him. My Chews

Day 23 & 24- Virginia will not beat me!

Day 23- Grandma Grace 85 Birthday (most sweet , loving, supportive, woman I know)
I spoke with grandma that morning and even though cancer is in her, cancer is NOT her. She sounds as strong as ever.  That afternoon she was going to see Lincoln with my aunt. Nothing seems to stop her.  Inspiring.....

My friend Virginia finally showed up yesterday.   Well, she's actually not my friend- she wreaks havoc hormonally in my body and she gets on my last nerve!   PCOS is a hormonal imbalance causing cysts in some woman's ovaries, but not mine.  PCOS causes me to only see Virginia maybe 6 times a year instead of 12.  Virginia comes every 40 +  days on average instead of the 'normal' 28 days.  So because she takes longer to get here my hormone levels are at elevated amounts for longer periods of time causing increased water retention!  TADA- the reason for 2 weeks of really no weight loss!   She drives me crazy....   Since she has arrived the scale has been down 6 pounds in 3 days! craziness.   That would mean that I have lost about 20 pounds.   I am going to hold off until 'official Monday weigh in' to make a grand total and make it Official.

day 23 food-  tough cuz I was craving everything under the sun- darn Virginia
BUT- I made it through , eating an extra choc pb medifast bar.   Not too shabby. Virginia will not beat me!

day 24- Stayed the course
Meal 1- pb choc bar
Meal 2- Lemon Merengue bar
Meal 3- pb choc bar
Meal 4- cappuccino
Meal 5- pb choc bar
Meal 6- lean and green-  grilled chicken salad Caesar dressing

I am hoping and praying that as I lose weight Virginia treats me better.  2 solid weeks of water retention... Really Virginia?  You have got some nerve!    but again... You Will Not Beat me!!   Even though you treat me bad, God has good plans for me!   He can create life inside of me even if you only show up once and awhile.  So phooey on you!!   GOD is GOOD.  GOD is LOVE.

Day 22- Freezing Fingers

Meal 1- Choc PB Bar
Meal 2- Mocha Shake
Meal 3- Apple Oatmeal- Cinnamon, Splenda, a few Walnuts
Meal 4- Wild Rice Soup
Meal 5- Choc Shake
Mea l6 - Lean N Green  Grilled Chicken and Salad
Snack- Cherry Jello

Water- 64 oz

Freezing Fingers ... Freezing Toes
16 pounds gone.... Let's hope it shows!

Old Man Winter has finally arrived
Don't even care cuz I feel O So ALIVE!

Cheesy, I know... Just trying to mix it up yo!   Ha!  That rhymes too!


I gotta say, the Medifast Oatmeal has grown on me.  The Splenda, Cinnamon and Walnuts has probably helped.

While at work I still am hungry almost all the time.  lol  It's probably boredom but when I'm in the office I feel constantly hungry.

I can't wait for SUMMER!!!!!!!!!

Day 21- Weigh in Week 3

Down= 1 pound

Week 1- 14.8
Week 2- 0
Week 3- 1

Something weird is going on.....  How lopsided?   I should definitely be happy with 1 pound... but can't help be disappointed a bit.   Anywho... not going to focus on that too long.

Time to do some dreaming---

This summer-  Can't wait to feel better in my own skin.  Can't wait to wear skirts again. Can't wait to sit in the sand and not feel anxious that I may not be able to get back up out of the beach chair.  Our vacation to cape cod is in July.  My goal is 50 pounds total weight loss by then.  34 pounds to go!   I got this!!!!  

23 weeks til then.   I need to lose an average of 1.5 pounds a week to make that happen.   Slow and steady wins the race I guess!     I was clearly hoping for more... being that I lost 14.8 the first week!  However, the past two weeks I have been VERY consistent and my results are what they are... so I keep moving forward!!

Cute clothing-  I can't wait to feel cute again.   Currently I am just trying to cover up my fat belly.   Nothing necessarily cute about that.   I don't hate my body.  I really don't.   I used to when I was younger. Even though I weigh over 300 pounds I don't hate my body.   It's just that over the past 5 years or so almost all of the weight that I have gained has gone straight to my belly area.  So I look pregnant when clearly I'm not.   People have asked me if I'm pregnant.   When I wear sunglasses I see people looking at my stomach area. As if I can't see them staring when my eyes are covered.   Apparently people who have the hormonal disorder that I do.. PCOS... have the tendency to have excess belly fat.  It's kinda annoying but I'm coming to terms with it.   I have taken measurements and so far I have lost inches on my hips and thighs but not my waist!   again.. it is what it is..  but I can't wait to wear cute clothing again!!!!  Cute clothing without the goal of hiding belly fat.

and so on the weeks I only lose 1 pound I will keep dreaming.

Day 18 and 19- Friends and Flowers

Day 18 and 19

Completely stuck to the plan even though I was en route to PA for a girls day at Longwood Gardens.  Both days my lean and green was a grilled chicken Caesar salad.   I brought Medifast meals with me and was Hard Core with no deviation!  word.

Flowers-   make me happy.  Anyone who really knows me knows this.  So in mid January what could make a girl happier than to be with her Besties at Longwood Gardens!

 

Did you know that Lilly Pads start off by looking like scary alien plants?

Who knew?

 

Pretty sure this flower in these colors are my fave.

 

 

wow... God's creation is something else..

 

 

 

These little guys were probably 1/4 inch each in diameter.

 

 

Crazy girls

 

 

Saturday was the first day of Orchid extravaganza season at LG.  The chandelier is all orchids.. unreal.

 

 

yup.... all orchids.

 

 

 

 

I was VERY hungry on my car ride back and was oo so tempted to stop and get something off plan...  Instead I got a 2 oz bag of cashews and a diet coke. My first non water drink in 19 days, but still on plan.

 

Friends and Flowers- it was a good day.

 

 

 

 

Day 17- exercise

Meal 1- choc pb bar
Meal 2- Cappuccino
Meal 3- Grilled Chicken salad from Wendy's
Meal 4- Choc Shake
Meal 5- Chicken noodle soup
Meal 6- Choc pb bar

64 ounces about , maybe more

EXERCISE-

Before work I threw a pair of sneaks, black yoga pants, socks and my tie die T-shirt from our family reunion and headed out the door.  Today is the day to start exercising!

Work went well... no serious cravings... no major emotional dilemmas.

430 hit and I closed the blinds of my office,  locked the door and got naked!  lol  Yes, I changed in my office.    A few ladies from worked decided to do a light aerobics dvd.

30 minutes later I was red, sweaty and happy.


FELT GREAT!    Was a good day... a very good day!

Day 16 - Cauliflower is my new best friend

Day 16

Meal 1- choc pb bar
Meal 2- fruit nut bar
snack- 2 tbs peanut butter (not on plan)
Meal 3 and 4-  Medifast egg and Medifast choc pancake, 1 tbs sugar free syrup , 2 strips turkey bacon
Meal 5- 1 cup pureed cauliflower, 1 cup Hubs tomato sauce, 1/3 cup low fat ricotta= so yum!!
snack- sugar free strawberry jello

water- about 64 oz. 

Tomorrow I am throwing out the jar of pb in my office.  I keep meaning to bring it home for my dog but then I forget and it's there another day and even though it's not a carb, it's something that isn't on plan so I am going to throw it out. 

CAULIFLOWER-   Yesterday- cauliflower pizza... Today cauliflower 'pasta'.
Part of my carb issue is that I love pizza... I love pasta... I love Mac and Cheese.

Cauliflower pizza and cauliflower pasta will continue to be an amazing treat on my journey. AND Medifast has just come out with their version of Mac and Cheese.
http://yourhealthcoaches.wordpress.com/  recipe for cauliflower pizza (except I didn't put ground turkey into my sauce)  for sauce I just pureed a can of diced tomatoes

CRAVING ORANGE JUICE-
What??  yes... after work I was craving Orange Juice and I was angry that I couldn't have any.  I experienced thoughts and emotions today which were new-  anger... serious thoughts of 'cheating'.. sad...more anger..  Anger at whom? at what?   Angry that other people can eat or drink seemingly anything they want and not get fat.  Angry that this is my 'issue'... an issue that the whole world can see.   But I didn't give in... I stayed the course by God's grace.

THANK GOD FOR MY HUSBAND and MY HEALH COACH-

Hubs has been Incredibly supportive.  From trying to make me laugh to lighten my mood, to cooking lean /green meals for me if I'm too drained after work.  From verbal encouragement to strong hugs when I need it.  From doing dishes to cleaning the living room.  He is rooting me on and I'm oh so thankful.  He truly is everything I never knew I needed.

Health Coach Hope helped me a ton today.  I texted her that I was struggling with anger issues and she took the time to talk me through it. Afterwards I felt better and was reminded of why I am doing this and of what I have to look forward to.

I am still concerned that the scale is not moving...   but I was encouraged today that I should really only weigh myself once a week so that I will not become obsessed with the 'number'. 
This is about Obedience to God and Discipline for a healthier life..... not a number!

Who Knew?  Cauliflower/ Tomato sauce/ Ricotta cheese was an amazing meal? 
Cauliflower- my new Bestie.

P.S.-  Hubs helped me take my measurements tonight for some encouragement and my hips and thighs have gone down 3 inches each! 

Week 2 weigh in day Monday Jan 14th

Lost- ZERO

..........  Monday when the scale read minus zero  my initial reaction was frustration.........  That day was emotionally interesting.  I went through a wide range of emotions but by the end of the day I still had made wise choices and didn't give in to temptation.

What is a number?
How can you quantify Quality of Life?
How do I measure success?
How does one become a lover of perseverance?

Success=
Two weeks no fast food
Two weeks of water
Two weeks of vegetables
Two weeks of better sleep
Two weeks of no snoring
Two weeks no anxiety
Two weeks of clothing not as tight
Two weeks of discipline
Two weeks of OBEDIENCE

I feel like a wild horse that needs to be tamed.

This picture may seem random but I'll explain.  This photo was taken September 2012 as me and bestie help a dear friend and her daughters get ready for her wedding. I am on the left sitting down while combing her daughters hair. My bestie is armed with a can of hairspray!  Her favorite weapon of choice. Ha!  It's so much fun being a girl.

I remember what I felt like that day.  A stuffed sausage.  But a stuffed sausage having so much with fun with the girls. Laughing, Putting on Make up, Curling hair, Pinning hair, Doling out encouragement, love and laughter, Receiving encouragement, love, and laughter.  It's rare that I see a picture of myself from behind.  And I post this picture as a declaration that I CAN'T GO BACK!   I WANT TO LIVE IN FREEDOM!

How can I still be a wild horse and yet be bridled?  There is something so invigorating about a wild horse running through the fields free!   In order for the horse to be used however, they must be tamed.

This is my season of taming the free spirit, wild horse within. 

 

This picture is to remind me that despite feeling like a stuffed sausage, I have lots of Love, Beauty and Laughter even while weighing over 300 pounds.

day 13- laundry day

Day 13- Jan13th

Meal 1-  waffle made from a recipe using Medifast oatmeal -   REALLY GOOD!
Meal 2- half Lean andGreen- Salad and grilled chicken
Meal 3- lemon meneregue bar
Meal 4- half Lean and Green- Salad and grilled chicken
Meal 5- Chicken soup
Meal 6-Choc pudding

This weekend has been crazy in terms of my eating and water intake. Between my outings with girlfriends and forgetting to bring a medifast meal to church, I havn't stayed on a regular schedule.  I have not made ANY unhealthy choices but I wasn't able to stick to any regular schedule.

Overall- Great weekend.

Monday Weigh In Blog  later today. Much Love.

Day 11 & 12- #forward

Day 11-

Meals- Don't remember without brain power so we will leave it as- Stayed the course
Lean and Green was a huge salad at our local diner with grilled chicken on top.  SO yummy.
It's amazing how much better food tastes when you are not the one making it.

Very challenging day- More clients in serious crisis.  I just wanted to come home and eat french fries dipped in ranch.    But I didn't.     I'm hoping these thoughts go away some day.    In the mean time I move forward on my 365 day journey.  

Day 12-

Meal 1- 2 scrambled eggs , hot green tea
Meal 2- Fruit and Nut Bar
Meal 3- Choc Shake
Meal 4- Salad with a little cheese on top ( not sure if that should count as rest of my protein, or a condiment) , hot green tea
Meal 5- Oatmeal raisin bar
Meal 6- Vanilla Shake
Meal 7- Choc pudding

The Lean and Green was split up in the morning and afternoon, hence the 7 Meal scenario.
Tons of water and  2 cups hot green tea (no sweeteners)

My story with Tea- 
Up until about 3 years ago I was sort of Anti- Tea.  It seemed old fashioned and proper. (I know, don't hang me by my toes you Tea Drinkers)  Tea cups... Tea Pots.. just seemed, well... too proper for a free spirit like me.  However, about 3 years ago my Besties took me to a tea house in Virginia.  I kept an open mind and I was with them so I didn't care where we were.  Turned out it was quite fun and I had a raspberry tea so my taste buds were happy.  It was quite fun plopping in a sugar cube and stirring it about with vigor.  But as all bulls in a china shop do: I definitely spilled it   at some point causing the Besties to laugh at my antics.
Ever since that day I have had a constant stream of fruity type decaf tea bags in my home and I find it quite soothing.  So... on this 365 journey, my 'go to' hot drink of choice is decaf tea instead of coffee.   Coffee loves me... I love it...  however all the cream and sugar I need for it doesn't love me back.  
This morning I had breakfast with a dear friend who just celebrated her 29th wedding anniversary! She has been a vital mentor to me as I am trying to figure out this wife role.  I ordered 2 scrambled eggs and hot tea.   It's always fun chatting with a friend while holding a warm mug of something. So Tea it is!       The waitress looked in shock when I said," just eggs".  "No toast?,  No meat?" I nodded with a smile and she scurried away.

I also got to meet up with a long time friend from college days. We haven't seen each other in almost a year so we had a grand afternoon catching up, eating salad and drinking tea.

I will go to bed a thankful woman.  For friends, For Take Shake for Life, for Chewie and the hubs, For hot Tea, For salad, for God's peace and His love.     #Forward

Staying the course- Day 10

Meal 1- pb choc bar
Meal 2- Blueberry oatmeal
Meal 3-choc shake
Meal 4-vanilla shake
Meal 5- Grilled chicken salad 2 tbs lite Caesar dressing
Meal 6-Lemon merengue bar
snack= sugar free jello sugar

80 oz water

I received a beautiful letter from a friend today.  We only see each other maybe once a year now but our souls are connected for a lifetime.  I also received a Happy New Year photo card from my dear sister.   Was so nice to come home to my hubs, pups and communication from loved ones.
  Life is full.
  Life is rich.
  I am staying the course.

Facing challenges and temptations

Wednesday January 9th 2013

Meal 1- Choc Shake
Meal 2- Choc Shake
Meal 3- Chicken Noodle Soup- YUM   I let it soak in water for a few hours
Meal 4- Grilled Chicken and Salad 3 tbs lite Caesar
Meal 5-Lemon Merengue Bar-   Fave
Meal 6- Brownie
Snack- 2 tsp peanut butter ( not on plan )

Water- a TON didn't really count

VERY challenging day-  I wanted to come home and eat pizza.  On my car ride home I called the Hubs in an emotional moment.  When I got home he had the chicken grilled up and the salad made. What a love!  So the fleeting temptation was there but I did not give in!

My job can be challenging, as I'm sure anyone else's can be .   Trying to balance it all is the goal but I do feel like my multi tasking skills get better and better every year.  But yesterday  for almost 8 hours straight someone needed me.   From clients coming into my office in crisis to co-workers coming into my office in crisis.  This is what I do, this is what I love, but by the end of the work day I was wiped.  On the car ride home I had to decompress.  I started going down that road of worry... for my clients for my coworkers... but I stopped.....  Right now I have a roof over my head, I have a car to get me to and fro, I have a loving husband and my loving Chewie who will greet me with kisses when I get home, I have a loving God who is near... this is my reality and I need to leave the work stuff at work and enjoy the life I have!     Not let others problems rule my life, my decisions, my choices for health!   

So, No Pizza for me!   One day in life I will have pizza again... but it will not be This Day!

Beginning of week 2

Tuesday- Jan 8th 2013

Meal 1- Choc Shake
Meal 2- pb choc Bar
Meal 3- 1/2 Lean Green- Spinach 3 cherry tomatoes 1tsp feta cheese 2 oz grilled chicken 1tbs lt ranch
Meal 4- Brownie
Meal 5-Lemon Merengue Bar and 1/2 lean 5 oz tuna 1tbs lt mayo
Meal 6- Cappuccino

Water-a TON    not sure exactly how much but every 5 minutes I was drinking

Conquered-  a Work Baby Shower

Part of my 'issue' is I tend to turn bitter about emotional/painful circumstances.  I want to be a mother. Period. Actually therein lays the problem-- my desire to do the will of God should be my desire. Period.  sigh.... I have a long way to go.    I digress....

SO-   Work Baby Showers in the past have been avoided at all costs. They have been pretty painful.  Pretty much EVERY single person in the room talks about their children, their babies, their birthing experiences. The inside of my skin crawls because I just want to run away!  Why should I have to hear all of this?  Isn't it crazy enough that what I do for a living is working with a case load of about 15 mothers and their babies?  Isn't it crazy enough that 40 hours a week is spent thinking about how to help mothers be better mothers?  and yet work Baby showers have been even more torturous than that.   Maybe it's the stark realization that every person in the room is a mother but me, every person in the room has someone who calls them Mommy. 

BUT 2013 is different!   I will FACE these painful emotions instead of running away from FEAR.  FEAR that this will never happen to me, FEAR that God really isn't hearing my cries.
So, I decided to THROW the baby shower this time!!    Yup, I initiated the shower, I planned it, I bought the food, I decorated, I sent out the invitation, I coordinated the surprise.  My co-worker emailed me after she received the invitation saying she was surprised that I was put in charge of this party knowing how I feel.   I replied, I wasn't PUT in charge... I VOLUNTEERED!  I asked God to rid me of this bitterness and I seized an opportunity to prove it!   I write all this not to boast in me, but boast in the Power of the Holy Spirit!  God is still in the business of changing hearts!  Even bitter ones like mine..

There are many unknowns right now.   My husbands back, our financial issues, my husbands job, whether my hearts desire to be a mother will ever happen... but the KNOWN is that I am supposed to get healthy, take better care of my home and grow in the knowledge and grace of my Savior Jesus Christ.  Time to Focus on the KNOWNS!

It was a good day.

Day 7- WEIGH IN DAY

1st week weigh in-   down 14.8 pounds!!!!!!!!

Meal 1- Chocolate shake
Meal 2- Apple Oatmeal
Meal 3- Lean N Green - McD's Grilled Chicken Caesar salad (No croutons)
Meal 4- PB Choc bar
Meal 5- Choc chip pancake, 1 egg, 1 tbs sugar free syrup
Meal 6- Mango soft serve

Water- 64 oz

In one day shy of a full week I lost 14.8 pounds.. wow...  Woot Woot!

Mondays are my official weigh in days because Monday nights are my weekly check ins with my Health Coach.   So I got on scale this morning and it was almost too good to be true!  So I had to weigh myself a few more times just to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

I had only brought 4 medifast meals with me to work... so Lean N Green was lunch instead of dinner.
I didn't think I would have to face my McD's addiction so quickly but I made the resolve to FACE it instead of live in FEAR of it.     There was about 30 seconds of fear....  and then Hutzpah kicked in. (aka, gutsy.. ballsey)  ha!   It's true!   I felt this strong gutsy feeling of .. HECK NO!  I will not live in fear !   I will make a healthy choice and not run away!  

Tomorrow- more water and bring enough medifast for the week to work.

Day 6 Les Miserables

Meal 1- Chcocolate shake
Meal 2- Medifast choc chip pancake, 1 tbs sugar free syrup, 1 egg(lean)
Meal 3- 4 oz grilled chicken, 2 tsp sour cream and a pinch of ranch dressing mix (that's right I said 2 teaspoons sour cream)  my normal would be 1/4 cup or more)
Meal 4- Fruit/nut bar
Meal 5- Lemmon merengue bar
Meal 6- choc pudding

Water- 75 oz approx.

So I had all 5 Medifast, my lean (split between egg and chicken), 3 condiments, no green and no healthy oil

Tomorrow- Will get my greens in and healthy oil


Les Miserables!!!!  Hubs and I went to the movies this afternoon.  I enjoy being out with him.. holding hands as we walk... participating in something together...  and what a POWERFUL movie! Everyone said I would cry... I poo pooed it thinking, sure I may get teary but real tears enough for a tissue?   yup.. glad I brought that tissue.   I do hope they win awards for this because the acting was phenomenal.

The smell of that popcorn was soo good...  I dwelled on the smell a little too long because then I definitely invisioned myself eating it... As soon as that happened I turned my eyes to the previews and got in the zone again!    Possibly some day in my future I will have a bit of popcorn again but it was not going to be this day!

Domestic Diva-  Put away all Christmas stuff in a Very Organized fashion.  Prior years- shove it all in tubs and hope I can find it all next year.   This year-   put all individual strands of lights in zip lock bags, one tub for tree stuff, one tub for wrapping stuff, one tub for other décor.  I will eventually post pictures as I did take some.    Haven't quite figured out that aspect of blogging yet.

Bold Believer- Les Mis is a story of redemption, forgiveness and love.  The lead characters transformation is inspiring  and he attributes it to his turning to God.   Hugh Jackmans portrayal of the character is commendable.  At this end of his transformation song in the beginning he runs out of the church with purpose, drive and passion that he WILL make a drastic life turn around no matter what, at all costs!   and what a transformation it is.     I need to see this movie again!   I have been spending more time thinking about the Lord.. praying for friends and family... being near to the true source of Love.

Day5- I'm alive!

Meal 1- Vanilla shake
Meal 2- 1 cup egg beaters, 1 tbs salsa, Spinach
Meal 3- ??
Meal 4- cappuccino
Meal 5- Raisin oatmeal bar
Meal 6- Brownie

Water-  75 fluid Oz.

hhhmmm I'm missing one...   Today was such a blur I honestly can't remember what I had in between my 'omelet' and the cappuccino at the baby shower!    o well..

What  a day!    I tackled the mound of clothes in my bedroom!!!  and vacuumed every nook and cranny of that room and dusted with my favorite orange scented pledge.

My egg beater omelet-   not a success    I think I vaguely remember someone saying that a tiny amount of low fat cheese is on plan.  I must remember to ask my Health Coach this.    Maybe if I had a bit of cheese it would have tasted better.   Maybe if I had used real egg whites instead of  egg beaters it would have tasted better.  

I conquered the Baby shower and the Family Party!!!!! 

It's funny when women are so concerned as to why another woman is not eating.  Everyone at the shower I adore and so I am not hatin on anyone, I just noticed some things. I had heard that when  you tell most people about your health plan or your story, most people aren't going to understand it or may even question it in a negative way.  I got lots of weird looks when I told people about the Medifast plan and then people were so concerned that I wasn't eating. It's all good.  NOTHING was going to de rail me tonight.

 As soon as I got to the party I asked for a mug, hot water and a whisk for my Cappuccino.  I figured a hot drink would be best to sip on during the party.   FUNNY STORY-  so the woman whose house it was is from Brazil.  I adore her as she is a spit fire.  I asked her for a mug and a whisk and she opens her fridge to show me these little bottles of alcohol.  She says, I don't have any whisky only brandy. LOL   Some words I say she translates them differently and for some reason she heard whisky instead of whisk.   The reason why it is funny is because it's at a church baby shower.. ya know?  it's hard to explain but I laughed REALLY hard.

At the family party I took pictures of all the food I was resisting.  Thanks Katie for that idea! :) It felt good knowing that I didn't have to pretend that food wasn't there.  I embraced the reality of all the food that was present and I CHOSE to say no!   I had the power over it!

Our little nephew is adorable....  it was worth every second being there to see his little face.

Tomorrow's challenges-   Bagels at church-- I love me some bagels. and we are going to see LES MISERABLES in the afternoon!!!   I will bring medifast bar with me to eat during the movie.  or maybe I won't eat anything during the movie and maybe that will be ok!  :)   It's weird when every thing you do there is some food element involved.    I will enjoy every last minute of the movie (except the minutes where I have to leave to go to the bathroom from all the water I have been drinking)  hee hee. 

Day 4- cravings galore

Meal 1- Fruit Nut Bar
Meal 2- Apple Oatmeal
Meal 3- Strawberry Shake
Meal 4- Browie- woot woot, amazing
Meal 6- leanNgreen-   Grilled Chicken, Spinach salad
Meal 7- Chocolate pudding--  seriously yum

Snack- 1 tsp natural PB   ( My health coach says that PB isn't on the plan anymore, so I won't partake of that again any time soon)
Snack- Sugar free jello

Water- about 90ish fl oz.    This was the easiest part of the day!   I just kept drinking and drinking and wanting more!    fyi- not peeing as much either!

Cravings-   to crave something... I should probably look up the word Crave in the dictionary right about now.. but I'm too tired..      I was pretty much hungry the entire day... weird... I just kept thinking about carbohydrates...

I was told that in the first few days I would feel groggy... tired... achy... and today was that day.  My health coach says it's because my body is detoxing from the funk.    I pushed through though!!!

Small steps---   Every Friday morning my co workers gather for breakfast.  Everyone takes turns buying bagels.   I usually look forward to this every Friday as I love me some bagels.   This Friday- I had my big ol bottle of water and I sat there participating in conversations without even batting an eye at those darn bagels in the middle of the table.    It felt good to resist. :)  My co worker continues to say I look smaller already..   HOW COUlD THIS BE?  

Changes I see already-
1- I can breathe better. Hubs said the past two nights I haven't snored as much. Embarrassing I know.. Just trying to keep it real.
2-my clothes seemed to fit better today
3-I found myself actually looking at my surroundings more as I walked from place to place through out the day!    This is actually a big deal when you think of it-  my confidence is already increasing because I am holding my head up high.. literally and figuratively!   As I walked around the grocery store, gathering my 'lean and green' I found myself actually looking at the people I passed.  Obviously this must be a change because I noticed that I was doing it.  I have found that New Jersey has a way of making you jump on the cynical train... the keep to yourself don't smile at anyone train..  But that's not me!!   I am a smile at every single person you see kind of person.  I am a hold your head up high and notice your surroundings kind of person!   To me this small change is the biggest one so far.

Challenges I will face tomorrow-  a baby shower and a party at my in-laws

Plan of attack-   eat my lean n green in the morning-  egg beater spinach omelet , and then just bring my medifast meals with me and eat them as I need to.  aaannndd bring my big ol water bottle with me everywhere I go.

Day 5 , you are going down!  As my bestie Katie says-   "Time to Beat this down!"  

Day 4- woke up craving..... WATER??

It's 6:21 am .....  9 minutes until I must get in the shower!

Part of my Health Plan is being a more disciplined person in all areas.

Old Self- wake up whenever, get to work whenever. (this sounds drastic but my body automatically wakes up around 7:00 every day on it's own and I would always get to work before 9:00)

New Self- set alarm for 6:00 am, spend time in quiet with the Lord, lay out my medifast meals for day, take shower promptly at 6:30, out the door by 7:15, at work by 8:00!!

This morning I woke up craving......WATER???!!!    Like, I had to get it quickly! 

Compared to yesterdays cravings for carbs....  wanting for water sounds much better!

It's now 6:29!  Must.get.in.shower.

Day 3- Yeah Me!

Meal 1- Lemon Merengue bar
Meal 2- Apple Oatmeal
Meal 3- Strawberry Shake (chocolate one tastes better but it was still pretty good )
Meal 4- Cappuccino (this time without the lumps)
Meal 5- Lean N Green-  Salmon and Spinach Salad with 1 tbs lite Caesar dressing
Meal 6- PB Choc bar
Snack- 1 Tsp natural PB
Snack- Sugar free jello

Water- 75 oz.

CARB CRAVING ATTACK!!!  I seriously wanted popcorn tonight...a big ol bowl!   But I didn't...

I'm going to keep this short and sweet because this girl needs to put the cravings to bed.

a few interesting tidbits of the day- 

1- my co worker said, "Are you losing weight, your butt looks smaller!"   lol

2- saw my Dr. today who was Thrilled that I started Medifast.  She recommended Medifast to me during the summer.  The receptionist there looked so much smaller than the last time I saw her and then I remembered that she too is on Medifast!   It was fun to talk with her and find out that she has lost over 80 pounds in about 7 months!!!!!     It was also fun to see the glimmer in her eye as she said how happy she was for me that I started this.  It was almost to say, "I know what your future holds".

I know there are so many things I could be mentally/emotionally/spiritually processing right now.. but tomorrow is another day for that.   Today I must sleep....   I will lay my head down knowing that I did my best today.   I will lay my head down knowing that God loves me and accepts me just as I am. 

To Do Tomorrow---   take measurements of my hips, thighs, arms, waist etc
                                    write down goals
                                    kiss my husband
                                    drink TONS of water
                                    look in the mirror with kind eyes
                                    worship my Savior

Day 2- phew

I have almost made it to the end of day 2 on Medifast via Take Shape for Life.
Currently I am seriously craving sweets... carbs... crunchy. sigh.... But I hear by next week my cravings should subside!

Overall- good day!   Was definitely more hungry today than yesterday. I drank about 80 fluid oz. and got a ton accomplished at work. Not Too Shabby!  

Meal 1-  Cappuccino  Tasty- need to figure out how to have it not be so lumpy
Meal 2- Apple/Cinnamon Oatmeal   Not my fave but it was better than yesterdays oameal
Meal 3- Fruit Nut bar  Serious yum
Meal 4- Chocolate shake YUM!!
Meal 5- Lean N Green-  Tilapia and a huge Spinach salad again
Meal 6- Lemon Merengue Crunch bar-  serious Yum
and Meal 7-------- yup.... feeling very hungry so instead of going off plan I had another Crunch Bar. 
Tomorrow I will have celery and sugar free jello prepared which will hopefully curb things in the evening.

Today I walked past the kitchen at work around lunchtime and was bombarded by savory smells.  Instead of being upset that I wasn't partaking, I stopped and took a few seconds to breathe the smells in and enjoy the smells instead of tasting the food that produced them.   This proceeded to be a satisfying experience!   I am passionate, sensory person, what can I say.    I am thankful for Take Shape for Life because I got that smell idea from a Health coach who has lost over 100 pounds last year on this plan!   How Inspiring!!   

100 pounds gone.... what might that look like for me??   I'm excited to find out!!  I truly believe Medifast and TSFL is my train out of here!   Out of anxiety and self loathing... Out of physical aches/pain and emotional ones.   To God Be the Glory!  

Day 1

I laughed I cried I cleaned.

What a day! 

I drank about 100 fluid ounces of water. Needless to say the porcelain god was my best friend today.

Meal 1- 730   Medifast Chocolate PB Crunch bar  =  yum

Meal 2- 10:00  Medifast Maple Oatmeal=  yuck  ( but added cinnamon and it was ok)

Meal 3- 12:30   Medifast Wild Rice Soup= yum

Meal 4- 2:30   Medifast Brownie= yum

Meal 5- Lean n Green-   5 ounces Salmon YUM!!!!  and Spinach salad with tomatoes and cucumbers.  It was so beautiful to see the colors of my food.  Pink/Corals sprinkled in green from the spices....  Rich deep Green Spinach and bright red tomatoes. I gotta say, I savored every bite..  I don't think I need a divorce from my love affair with food, I just need to tame my emotions and appreciate food instead of abusing it. 

Meal 6- Medifast Choco Mint soft serve 'ice cream'. = yum
 
The crying part- Here's where it gets tricky....  around 400 ish I became downright ornery and hungry... couldn't think straight... headache   Food has had such a hold of me... my entire life.   I stuck to my health plan today.. to the T!  and somewhere mid afternoon I found myself frustrated and craving things.. which lead to tears.   It's all good though!   I choose to walk forward!

Love affair with food-  You know in the beginning of a relationship when you treasure that person and you truly 'see' them.  You gaze into every corner of their face and you truly are 'present', in the moment, all senses engaged.  As time goes on its easy to take that person for granted and not truly appreciate them and enjoy being 'present'.  My love affair with food has to get back to the basics.  I need to truly 'see' food for what it is-  Sustenance from God that he did create to be pleasurable yet not abused. 

Best part of today-  Celebrating the New Year with our neighbors.
You know in the movie "Under the Tuscan Sun", when she starts becoming friends with random people that are in her life, and under normal circumstances they all might not have been good friends. She starts cooking for them and the movie shows them all genuinely caring for each other even though they are a rascally crew from different walks of life.  Spending time with our downstairs neighbors brings me such joy and reminds me of that.   My hubs baked a cake, I put on some coffee and we had such a pleasant evening, laughing and being hopeful for the new year.  ( side note-I did not have the cake!)   My neighbor speaks broken English and I speak broken Spanish but somehow we have formed a connection ... a genuine loving friendship.  Her daughter gave birth to a daughter this year and over cake/coffee and berries we all laughed and were present.. in the moment... truly 'seeing' each other.   (The cleaning part is me cleaning in preparation of my neighbors coming up)


Wonderful day ... Wonderful way to start 2013...

Take Shape for Life, Flylady and the Bible

Today is the day....to get my rather large tooshie into gear!
Today is the day to set goals, to dream big and to DRINK a TON of water while doing so!

Three areas of my life need an overhaul. My health, my home, and my walk with Christ.

Domestic Diva-- Follow the Flylady ideas and Pinterest ideas for organizing and cleaning
Healthy Hottie- Take Shape for Life
Bold Believer- Read the Bible! Put my faith into action!
 
I'm still trying to figure out this blogging world so this initial one will be short and sweet. I am choosing to blog instead of paper journal as I am hoping my journey will encourage others along the way. Here we go!!!!