39th birthday

I am 39.
Where did the time go?  Feels like I was just turning 30 and my Lancaster peeps threw me a huge surprise birthday party! 

Now, 9 years later I have three kids, a husband, a dog, and a house to fill them all in.

The one thing that continues to plague me is my food choices... health choices... exercise choices...

So here I am....  trying to tackle this as I enter my 40th year of life.

God is good.
I am 39.  Can you tell I'm trying to let this sink in? 

Day 164 & Day 1

Meal 1: mf pb crunch bar
Meal 2: mf oatmeal
Meal 3: mf brownie
Meal 4: mf strawberry shake
Snack: coffee

Back on track baby!!!!

Mothers Day 2013

Mothers Day-

A day to celebrate life and love.
I definitely had an awesome weekend celebrating the special women in my life.  I come from a long legacy of wonderful women. Mike comes from a long legacy of wonderful women.
Mothers are the most sacrificing people I know.  They give of their entire selves for the sake of their children when they are young-  It's actually quite a phenomenon when you think of it. 

I have been surrounded by unconditional love as a child and even still...  lots of love...... and I am so grateful.

I am down 50 pounds!!!!  woot woot!!   The big push is on now for another 15 pounds before summer vacation.  7 more weeks!   

Cinco de mayo came and went--  I was gonna blog
The first day of spring came and went- I was gonna blog

This week is a big push for making a schedule and sticking to the schedule.   Remember how I want to be a Domestic Diva right? :)    My morning routine is a hot mess.  At the beginning of the year I woke up at a certain time.. blogged.. showered and was out the door on time...   So tomorrow morning starts my early morning routine again.
6 am alarm
6:05 drink my first big glass of water
6:10 coffee/prayer journaling/Bible reading
6:30 shower
7:00 leave for work- eating my first medifast bar in the car

Tomorrow I will drink tons of water.
Tomorrow I will exercise at lunch time with co workers.
Tomorrow I will practice gratitude.
Tomorrow I will do loads of laundry in the evening.
Tomorrow I will go directly to the kitchen after I walk in the door and cook.
Tomorrow I will make sure kitchen sink is shiny and clean before bed.

#forward #keepitmovin #practicegratitude

My Mom. Gma. Kenny (my #1 fan) and Noelle.

Day 115 #forward

Keep it Movin!!!
#forward

I am heading toward the end of month 4.   I won't give up!!!!!

The past few weeks have been rough. Crazy emotions..... dwelling on negativity.... yo yo scale but I WON'T GIVE UP!!!

Some days I don't know where God is.. I know He doesn't leave us.. but hard times... roaring seas..dessert valleys.. it truly is hard to understand what He is doing.

Life is nothing that I hoped it would be by now.. I have a career of helping other moms be mom's and my womb remains empty.. Life is funny.. but I can't give up hope for a better future!! When we give up hope we truly have nothing!  

My heart is sad.... there is an ache Inside that I don't know will ever go away until I become a mother.  Most of you can't understand this ache and that is ok.. I'm not asking you to understand.. just know that I'm trying my best and I'm not giving up!!!!

I thought I would put up some before and now pics!!  #forward!!!!

Day 110!! Still going!

Day 110-  Chillin with my Katie, painting our nails, drinking water and watching movies= great day!

My total is 49 pounds lost. This week is the big push to get past 50 pounds! 

I'm doing well and staying strong for the most part.  I have cheated a bit here and there but have stayed true to the program for the most part. This plan is truly easy and I'm so thankful that I don't have to think too much. 

I have started a new venture again-   Mary Kay!   www.marykay.com/carencaren

I do love their products so it's time to start selling again! 

All that to say, I am a busy gal!  Losing weight.. lookin good.. lovin the Lord. woot woot!

Day 94!!!!

Wow... day 94... So exciting that I have made it this far!!  Day 100 will be fun for some reason!

Meal 1- MF Smores bar
Meal 2- MF Choc pb bar
Meal 3- MF Smores bar
Meal 4- MF berry crunch cereal
Lean N Green-   Salad, Grilled chicken, 2 tbs Caesar dressing
Water
Coffee with cream and splenda
Meal 5- MF choc chip cookie

It's official-  I am the captain of our work weight loss team called "Thin it To Win It"  :)
My role is to encourage and inspire the team to exercise and eat healthy.   How funny that I am the captain???!!!   It's really kinda funny when you think about it.  Considering I still weigh over 300 pounds!   Ha!    I'm the captain of a health team!    Love it!

This weekend is my birthday and I'm so excited to head into a new year of living knowing that I am taking care of my body!    Feels great to not feel guilty. 
I still have a long way to go but I am still on the road!!!!!!!!!   which is a first!!!!!

I have never done a diet past 3 months.
I have never lost more than 30 pounds.

Time to push past all those- I never!!!

#Forward!!!!!!

week 13 weigh in!

Down----  another 3.6 pounds!  Woot Woot!

Total of 45.6 pounds!!!  So flippin exciting! 

Last week I was the exercise champ!  I even took a hike/walk through the woods. 

I am definitely proud of myself for the choices I have been making lately.  I am moving FORWARD toward Health.   FORWARD toward freedom.   FORWARD toward summer!

Weigh in Monday: week 12

Down 3.4 !!

Woot woot!!

Total of 42 pounds!! I can't wait to hit that 50 mark!!

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday---  I have wonderful Palm Sunday memories growing up in the church.  There was an excitement in the air.  Spring was coming soon.  New life was coming soon.  Jesus was Praised!  It was the start of a Holy week... a retrospective week.. an introspective week.  I loved being raised as a Preachers Kid.   My wonderful parents showed me the love of Jesus every day.  Sure they weren't perfect but pretty darn close.   During my rebellious teenage years there was a rift between my parents and I ... a rift between God and I...but looking back, I had a wonderful childhood. 

This is probably why I have such a strong desire to have a family of my own. I know Mike and I will not be perfect parents.. we are a hot mess most of the time... but our kids will be loved and shown God's love that is for sure.   Because my desire to have a family is so strong.. and because it's not happening... I have distanced myself from God.   Just keepin it real folks.   I am numb most of the time.   Yes I am still able to love and be loved.  Yes I still put on my big ol smile most of the time.  Yes I can see the beauty in life even still.  Yes I can honestly say life is good even though we are going through stuff.   But when I think about God I feel numb...... desensitized...  The Joy of the Lord will be my strength.. that's what the Bible says.   Maybe that's why I feel weak because my joy in the Lord  is dim.        again folks.. just keepin it real....    

For my close peeps-  don't be alarmed... I am not depressed... I am still focusing on my health plan.. I still laugh every day... I am proud of myself for my weight loss and new exercise routine.  When you ask me how I am, I am going to say great!   Because I am doing great things health wise.  Because we have a roof over our heads... water to drink... electricity... love from friends and family.. cars.. all things I am so thankful for.   But my heart is very raw.....  and I really don't like to talk about it. Kinda too painful. :)      So for now we will continue to talk about my health journey instead. LOL!

Day 80- My boss rocks

Meal 1- MF Mint choc bar
Meal 2- MF PB crunch bar
coffee and cream/stevia
Meal3- MF Choc pudding
Lean N Green- Spinach, Turkey Taco meat, 2 TBS salsa, 1/4 cup cheese, 2 tbs soup cream
Meal 4- MF Choc Chip cookie and 1 TBS cool whip

I exercised today at lunch time!  Heeeyy!!!

I brought my work out clothes and sneaks with me to work.  The blinds were closed in my office, door was shut and I stripped!  I changed in my office and headed down the hall to do a pilates, floor exercise DVD with my co worker.

My 60something year old boss is amazing.  She is doing a half marathon this summer.  She can do 'man pushups'.  She parks sometimes on the third floor parking deck on purpose.  She is my hero in many ways.  She never apologizes.   There is something to admire about that.  Most women say 'I'm sorry" waaaayy too much.   For every little thing.  I'm sure if she tripped me on accident and I fell down a flight of stairs she would apologize. lol I'm not talking about that kind of stuff.  I mean work wise.  She is a very strong leader but not in a mean angry way.... she is a no nonsense person who has a hearty laugh and a great smile.  Can you tell I look up to her?   lol   She is going to teach me how to do real push ups.  LOL!  I know I keep saying I want to dream big... but that seems impossible! ha!

I have started my countdown to vacation.   100 days left!   My original goal was 50 pounds by vacation.   I'm fairly certain I will reach that goal and then some... aaaahhH!!   I can't wait to be smaller... move around free-er.... wear skirts and sandals and get tan.... sigh... aahh!!!  Can you tell I can't wait!

Day 79

Meal 1- MF PB choc bar
Coffee with cream and splenda
Meal 2- MF Hot cocoa
snack- 2 oz nuts and diet coke
Meal 3- MF Choc chip cookie
Meal 4- MF Choc chip cookie
Lean -  Salmon with 1 tsp olive oil
Meal 5- MF Choc pudding

Not nearly enough water

I'm just kinda blah so I really have nothing to say. :)    Just wanted to keep with the food tracking accountability.

Peace out.

Day 78- An Attitude of Gratitude

Meal 1- MF PB bar
Meal 2- MF PB bar
Coffee with Cream/Stevia
Meal 3- MF tomato soup
Meal 4- MF Vanilla Shake
Lean N Green-   Salmon and Spinach, Italian dressing
Meal 5- MF Choc chip cookie

Water- not as much as yesterday

This road is tough..........  I'm trying to have an attitude of gratitude regardless of circumstances.

I have an awesome family and church family.
I have a hot sexy loving husband.
I have an adorable loving dog.
I have a roof over my head.. a car that works... water flowing freely from the faucet and food.
I have God.

I have a lot.

#forward

Day 77- accountability

Meal 1-  MF Mint Chip bar
Meal 2- MF Apple cinn Oatmeal
Coffee with cream and Stevia
Meal 3- MF Cappuccino
Meal 4- MF Hot Cocoa
Lean N Green- Spinach and grilled Chicken  2 Tbs Italian dressing
Meal 5- MF Brownie  1 Tbs FF Cool Whip

84 OZ Water!!   Woot Woot!

Straight and Narrow Baby!  I am still at 39 pounds lost and THIS is the week to push into the 40's!
I'm doing it!  I said the same thing last week but I truly am not messing around. #forward

I downloaded the TSFL app on my phone today which is a very cool way to track everything during the day.

I also did the rubber band water bottle trick that someone on the TSFL support FB page shared.  5 rubber bands for 5 ,16.9 oz water.  Every time you finish the bottle you move a rubber band to the top.  

Not giving up!  

Day 77

Weigh in Monday: lost .2 pounds. Lol! Ill take it!!

Last week weigh in: lost 4.2

I currently weigh what I did 3 weeks ago. It's not a set back! It's a , you deviated from plan here and there, time to get strict!
I'm still feeling good but my goal is to blog EVERY day this week and to incorporate exercise this week!! 
#forward

Photos

FYI

The Next two blogs were published out of order. 

day 66- back in the saddle

meal 1-MF Lemon Merengue bar
meal 2- MF Chocolate pudding
meal 3- MF Cream of tomato soup
meal 4- MF Cappuccino
snack- light n fit greek yogurt
meal 5- MF choc chip cookie
Lean N Green- Salad with grilled chicken

Water galore and raspberry tea

Back in the game
Back on the wagon
Back in business
Back in town
Baby got Back

lol.. I just couldn't resist adding that last one.

I am back baby!  Today is a new day and my head is not fuzzy today!  yay!

The past 3 days were tremendously challenging as I was in trainings all day and they fed us lunch each day.   Chips... cookies... sandwhiches.... yada yada.     One day I did eat some chips and I did have 2 cookies...  sigh..  Whatev-  I'm over it.  Today is a new day. I feel good

day 69- Am I truly a new woman?

Sunday Morning... Birds chirping... windows open ajar...  the little things in life.... aaaahhhhh


Back in Business mode is still in affect. Woot Woot!

This past week I was able to get a pedicure..  hair cut and colored... new clothes... I'm a new woman!   Or am I?

During my single years when I had money to burn apparently, lol ; pedicures... primping... new clothes were the regular.   In hindsight I should have done a little less of that and a little more of paying off student loans but hindsight is always 20/20.    Now the full spectrum of primping only happens about once a year..  tax return time.  ha!    I'm a girlie girl through and through.  I gotta say there is nothing better than having your legs/feet massaged, cleaned and scrubbed.  Well.. there are a few things better but that sure ranks up there on the list.

So I have focused a ton this week on the 'outer shell'.  How does it affect my inner person? 
Well.. it sure does make me happy.  :)   Clearly I know that these things are temporal but it is always a hard balance for me and a fine line to walk.  I tend to focus too much on the outward.  I love beauty. I know that the Lord gives us that desire to look on beautiful things because we are made in His image.   I also know that the Lord says in 1 Samuel... Man looks at the outward appearance but the Lord looks at the heart.    God cares more about my heart that my new pedicure.  God cares more about my heart than my fabulous new hair color.  He cares MORE about the heart but He does care about me in general and my overall self.  Queen Esther in the bible was primped and oiled up but weeks on end I do believe. I'm sure she was given pedicures... massages and the like.   As I get ready for church this morning I MUST focus on my heart MORE than I focus on putting on my new digs and making sure my hair looks perfect. 

The past two days I have followed plan to a T.  The scale says I am down again so we shall see tomorrow on Official Monday Weigh In.

I am not giving up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   #Forward

weight gain

Day 63-   week 9 weigh in-   +4.8

yikes

This number will not define me.  I can list lots of reasons for this weight gain but I won't.  I'm not dwelling on this too much or my head will start doing crazy things.

Reality-  I ate off plan, Virginia is in town and the week prior I lost 7.8.

Reality-  I will not give up.  Sure, I am frustrated.  Sure, I have been feeling down about it.  But my pitty party stops here.  Time to steer that wagon into victory!  

I chose a salad today at my work luncheon instead of a sandwhich, chips and cookie.

I drank lots of water today.

and I MUST keep moving forward!!!   Turning back is not an option.

Here's to brighter days ahead!!!!!

"real food" and cravings galore!

Day 62-

Meal 1- MF Mocha Shake
Meal 2- MF Caramel Crunch bar
Meal 3- MF Choc chip pancake, 1 tbs sugar free syrup, 2 eggs, 1/8th cup cheese, smidge milk
Meal 4- MF Choc chip cookie, 1 tb cool whip
Meal 5- MF banana pudding

Raspberry hot tea and more water!

The past 3 days have been rough.  I wake up craving 'real' food.  I find myself  'tired' of the same ol same ol medifast stuff.  I have eaten pizza.   The scale says I have gained a few pounds back.  Virginia is here and she is being such a 'B'. I am discouraged to say the least.  I keep putting on a brave face but I am really struggling.  I have a Health Coach who is a dear friend and I know I should be reaching out to her but my pride is getting in the way.  I will reach out to her tonight....

I keep worrying about what everyone is thinking...   annoying!      I annoy myself.  Ha!

Tomorrow is 'official' weigh in day and I am pretty sure the scale is going to say I gained a few.  It is what it is and I promise to be honest and write down exactly what it says even if it is a plus.  

Here is the reality-

I want to wear cool clothes more than I want 'real food'. 
I want to fit in an airplane seat more than I want 'real food'.
I want to fit in a booth at restaurants more than I want 'real food'.
I want to be healthy and have normal blood pressure more than I want 'real food'.
I want to be able to get pregnant more than I want 'real food'.
I want to be 'pain free' more than I want 'real food'.
I want to sit in any seat I want without fear of it breaking more than I want 'real food'.

I MUST push on.... no matter what the scale says tomorrow.

#FORWARD!!!!!!!