Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday---  I have wonderful Palm Sunday memories growing up in the church.  There was an excitement in the air.  Spring was coming soon.  New life was coming soon.  Jesus was Praised!  It was the start of a Holy week... a retrospective week.. an introspective week.  I loved being raised as a Preachers Kid.   My wonderful parents showed me the love of Jesus every day.  Sure they weren't perfect but pretty darn close.   During my rebellious teenage years there was a rift between my parents and I ... a rift between God and I...but looking back, I had a wonderful childhood. 

This is probably why I have such a strong desire to have a family of my own. I know Mike and I will not be perfect parents.. we are a hot mess most of the time... but our kids will be loved and shown God's love that is for sure.   Because my desire to have a family is so strong.. and because it's not happening... I have distanced myself from God.   Just keepin it real folks.   I am numb most of the time.   Yes I am still able to love and be loved.  Yes I still put on my big ol smile most of the time.  Yes I can see the beauty in life even still.  Yes I can honestly say life is good even though we are going through stuff.   But when I think about God I feel numb...... desensitized...  The Joy of the Lord will be my strength.. that's what the Bible says.   Maybe that's why I feel weak because my joy in the Lord  is dim.        again folks.. just keepin it real....    

For my close peeps-  don't be alarmed... I am not depressed... I am still focusing on my health plan.. I still laugh every day... I am proud of myself for my weight loss and new exercise routine.  When you ask me how I am, I am going to say great!   Because I am doing great things health wise.  Because we have a roof over our heads... water to drink... electricity... love from friends and family.. cars.. all things I am so thankful for.   But my heart is very raw.....  and I really don't like to talk about it. Kinda too painful. :)      So for now we will continue to talk about my health journey instead. LOL!