Day 51 Fear and Love

Meal 1- PB choc bar
snack- Lite Latte with splenda from DD 
Meal 2- Choc Mint bar
Meal 3- Chicken noodle soup
Meal 4- Lean-  Meatloaf (no veggies)  tomorrow.must.eat.veggies.
Meal 5- Choc pudding with 1 tbs pb2 and 1 tbs FF coolwhip

water water water and raspberry hot tea

FEAR=    Fear and Love cannot coexist-  the Bible says so. 1 John 4:18.  If you are so bound up in your fears, you are not fully free to love others, to accept love from others.  If you are so bound up in your fears than you are not fully free to love God and accept God's love in return.

My first memories of fear- 
Where- Cape Cod summer vacation, on the beach
Age- elementary school age
Who involved-  me, my mom, my bro
Why- we were walking on a rock jedi sticking out into the ocean.  I was crazy afraid I was going to fall.  I remember feeling paralyzed-  and I gave up.  I vividly remember my mom and little brother way ahead of me and I got down on my bottom and slid off the rocks into the sand because I just was too scared to go any further. 

I have ALWAYS had fears of falling.  In elementary school I would fall almost every lunch period.  So many of my pants were thread bear at the knees from falling so much.  I would have to go to the nurse every time for her to clean off my knees and apply a new band aid.  I have tons of knee scars to prove it.

Some people are born with a build for athletics.  They are naturally strong and athletic and you can see this at a very young age. This is not me.  GYM class was my ABSOLUTE worst hour of the day.  I have horrible memories of elementary school gym class.  Painful memories.  I was THE LAST kid to get picked for any sports.. My parents forced me to be on a softball team and I NEVER made it to first base- for TWO SEASONS!   I struck out EVERY single time.  I would Pray that the ball wouldn't fly to me while I was in the outfield because I know I couldn't run fast enough to pick it up.  I received the award for the being a good sport.  aka. for still smiling even though you suck.  ha!
But let me tell you- This Big Girl can dance!   I may not be talented in any sport area but I have got rhythm for days!  Give me a beat and I just can't help myself.

I write all of this to say........ Fear has controlled me most of my days.  Fear of failure. Fear of success.  Fear that my dreams won't come true. Fear of falling.  Fear of really anything physical, besides dancing and sex. Ha! 

 I need to push myself out of my comfort zone!  I also need to remember the times when I did push myself out of my comfort zone.   Mission trips to Mexico.. Kenya.. Zambia... Traveling around the country for a year with a school assembly Corp.  (Camfel Productions)  Going to a college I had never visited before. and starting TSFL!    My bestie wants to do a Mud Run in June.  www.godirtygirl.com  and I am scared out of my mind!!  I am pretty sure I am going to sign up and just do the best I can do.  but OMG... crawling in the mud???!!!  this girlie girl is screaming- Heck No!

I know I can't live in FEAR. I want to be free to worship and love God with my whole heart and not be chained to fears from the past or fears of the future.  I want to love my husband, family and friends with a purer love that comes from me being FREE!

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