Loneliness- when I was single, a married friend told me- even when you are married you will still have moments of loneliness. Today was one of those days. The hubs was away most of the day with a men's function from church. I was alone in the house for many hours and my mind started playing tricks on me. I worked myself up into such a tizzy including crazy negative thoughts about my body.. about not being a mom... about how far I have to go..... a few hours into the negativity I chose to eat 4 cookies and a small glass of milk. My first real Off the Plan moment.
The only Medifast foods I have left are shakes and soups......... so today was an off day in general.
I am choosing to be honest and transparent. Even though I am scared of disappointing my friends and family , I am choosing to be honest about it all.
Meal 1- MF Chocolate shake
Meal 2- MF cappuccino
Meal 3- 4 oz nuts
Meal 5- 1/4 cup Cottage cheese
Meal 6- 3 oz salmon with a tad olive oil
off plan- 4 choc cookies and 8 oz milk
off plan- movie theater popcorn and diet coke
off plan- when I returned from movie- 4 more cookies and 8 oz milk
EEEKK- At this point I am more 'worried' about disappointing friends and family than worrying about disappointing myself and the Lord. (I know God loves me regardless that's not what I'm saying)
This is an issue... I should be more concerned about not reaching my goals than worrying about what my peeps are going to think.
These off plan choices are not going to stop me from my goals.
Tomorrow is going to be another challenging day because I don't have good medifast choices. I was hoping my new shipment of food would come today but I guess it will arrive on Monday.
So, tomorrow Shakes and Soups and Salmon it is!
I made bad choices today in moments of weakness.. I let my guard down by dwelling on negativity. My negative thoughts lead to negative emotions.... my negative emotions left me weak to then make negative choices.
This reminds me of the Bible verse in Proverbs that talks about us dwelling on things that are TRUE and LOVELY. The Bible is truly the source of all wisdom.
Tomorrow is a new day... I know that I need to learn so many more lessons as to why I continue to turn to food to try to comfort me and my 'issues'. I know I need wisdom from the Bible and from the Holy Spirit. and I know God loves me so much that He wants me to walk in the Freedom that is already mine! and yet I turned to temporal chocolate chip pleasure and salty cardboard popcorn at the movies.....
I don't look on myself with eyes of self-loathing as I am soon to lay my head down to sleep. That self-loathing will only lead to more negative emotions leading to negative choices.
So I look on myself tonight with eyes of forgiveness. Today was a day... but tomorrow is a new day!
Goals- 50 pounds by end of June.
Positive choices I did make today- Salmon.... cottage cheese.... and nuts
Choices to make tomorrow- More water... 5 Medifast 'meals' and salmon/ veggies.
I will NOT BE STOPPED! My dreams are worth more than temporal pleasures!!!!!
I am still a tightly wrapped 'bud' waiting to bloom.....
#FORWARD
Hi Caren! I am a friend of Katie's and she sent me a link to your blog. Just wanted to let you know that I'm reading it and totally enjoying it. I love your writing style, your honestly like this post, and your determination. I'm hoping some of that determination will rub off on me! I am on a long pursuit for better health and am learning a lot about me and God along the way. I especially related to your comments about negative thoughts leading to negative emotions leaving us vulnerable to poor choices. Stopping those thoughts and replacing them with God's promises and truth are critical! Anyway...just kind of introducing myself to you and saying that I appreciate you from afar. Have a great day!
ReplyDeleteHi heather! Thank you for saying hi and your kind words. Isn't Katie the best? :)
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