Day 40- Blizzard Caren

Last night was rough.  Not because of Blizzard Nemo but because of Blizzard Caren- the ice queen.

I am thankful for a new dawn... a new beginning... ground covered white... God's love and sacrifice has clothed me in white as well=   so thankful.

My frustrations built throughout the day and by 630 at night I was a hot mess.  Freaking out on the hubs... being angry with God...  wanting to throw things...  crying, yelling... ugh.   just keepin it real folks.

It's interesting when I overhear or blatantly here women saying things like,  "my daughter is 31, she is trying to get pregnant , but you know she is past the perfect age for child bearing so I am worried about her".   That was a doozy for me to hear yesterday....   I literally walked away from the 2 people talking because I COULD NOT hear anymore.  Daggers to the heart..... I wish God would shield me from these crazy conversations.  I know though that He uses this pain to shape me into the person I am.. I will be..

Come to find out women say the craziest things......   I know I have said crazy things too by accident so I'm not judging... just venting.    When it comes to babies... pregnancies...  body image ..women say crazy things.    The problem is , these matters are matters of the heart... a women's heart ..which is a fragile thing.    So I hereby apologize for any crazy, off the cuff comments, that I may have made that have hurt someone without me knowing.  

 So, between the crazy comments I heard yesterday... the deep deep desire to be a mother and knowing that it is still a long way off from happening... and then knowing that my 'child bearing years' are rapidly coming to a close  PLUS I couldn't self medicate with bad food =  I kinda lost my marbles.   During my blizzard of emotions the feeling of despair crept in... the feeling of hopelessness crept in.   I haven't had any of those emotions in 39 days and it was disturbing to go there again. 

SO--  I have 2 choices today as I begin my 40th day on Medifast/ Take Shape for Life

1- wallow in self pity ...  be angry at my hubs, blaming him for all my troubles when he doesn't deserve that..  be angry at God because of my circumstances, when that clearly won't get me anywhere... choose to go off plan for instant gratification

OR

2- STAND UP AND FIGHT!  

I choose LOVE and PEACE... FORGIVENESS and HOPE!!

I choose Medifast pancakes, Medifast chocolate pudding and Blueberry Tea with stevia!  

I choose cleaning and reading and laughter and shoveling!

I choose HOPE!

His mercies are new EVERY morning.  Because of Christ, my craziness is washed white as snow.